How to find the space in between

How to find the space in between

 

Let’s start by talking about all-or-nothing thinking, or maybe black and white thinking.

All-or-nothing thinking is where you believe there will be a catastrophe if something you do is not perfect or something doesn’t happen the way you want it to.

I don’t do all-or-nothing thinking…do I?

Every month I have the privilege of teaching at the Foundations of Healthy Living Retreat, a four day retreat for self-discovery and it’s one of my favorite things to do.

It’s very clear, every month, when I’m standing in a room full of ten new people that this idea of all-or-nothing thinking is extremely prevalent because these people come from all different backgrounds with all different levels of experience in personal development and almost all of them do all-or-nothing thinking.

All-or-nothing thinking is one of the most powerful and damaging cognitive distortions that I come up against.

So what is it?

All-or-nothing thinking is that if/then thinking, you know, IF this happens THEN that will happen or IF it doesn’t happen THEN that will happen.

Some examples might be :-

  • IF I don’t stick to my healthy eating regime THEN I am a complete failure or THEN I am fat, ugly, useless, worthless.
  • IF I don’t get report in on time THEN I’m going to get fired.
  • IF my launch doesn’t attract seventy new enrollments THEN it’s a complete failure.

 

It’s actually quite a quick movement from, “if I don’t do this small thing” to “I am worthless” which is ultimately where we end up. It can be incredibly damaging.

So if you see yourself in that kind of pattern of thinking whatever your if/then statements are, then you might be suffering from all-or-nothing thinking.

What can you do?

It’s not helpful to be stuck in either of the all or nothing camps.

What I do for the participants of the retreat and for my clients that I notice are stuck in this pattern of all-or-nothing thinking is help them to find the space in between.

 

How do you find the space in between something that is so concrete in your mind?

Well, I get them to scale and what I mean by that is, if one end of their all-or-nothing thinking, if the black end of their thinking is a zero on the scale then the other end of their thinking, the white end, is a ten on the scale that means that there is a lot of space in between.

So I get them to describe what 1 looks like, what 2 looks like, what 3 looks like, and so on.

 

So if you find yourself suffering from all or nothing thinking, or black and white thinking, then try and find the space in between by scaling. Take one end, make it zero, take the other end, make it 10 and describe what the steps look like in the space in between.

 

Mindset & Message Mastery will provide you with the tools to understand what is getting in your way, on your way to success. It will help you connect the dots to Confidence, Clarity and, most importantly, Clients.

Are you focusing on the right things?

Are you focusing on the right things?

Here’s an experiment for you. What I want you to do right here right now is to look around the room that you’re currently in or the space that you’re currently in and I want you to notice everything that you can that’s blue.

Do it right now. I want you to look around the room that you are in and notice as many things as you can that are blue.

How many red things did you see?

 

So what’s the point in this experiment?

Well the point of this experiment is that what you focus on expands.

What you focus on, you will find more of, so when you’re looking around the room and you’re looking for blue things, the blue things are going pop out at you and everything else will fade into the background.

 

Why is this important?

Well,  it’s really important if you are trying to achieve a goal because if you’re not focused on your goal then you can become distracted by all the other colors.

When you stay focused on your goal then you will pick up all the things that are going to help you to reach that ultimate eventuality.

It’s really cool to know this stuff.

 

Rocks in the road

I remember when I was learning to ride a motorcycle my instructor saying to me,

“Eyes up, look where you want to go. Eyes up, look where you want to go.”

That advice saved my life on a number of occasions. When you are learning to ride a motorcycle, every so often your eyes drift to that rock you see on the road and you start looking at the rock and you know what happens? You ride your motorcycle into the rock and then fall off your bike. Because you’re focused on the rock, you’re being drawn towards it. Target fixation.

But if you keep your eyes up and look where you want to go, you will just guide the bike around the obstacle and you’ll keep going on to your destination.

Now goals are exactly the same. When you stay focused on your goal then you will notice less the problems that you’re going to come up against and you start to elegantly find ways around those metaphorical boulders in your road.

 

So remember, what you focus on expands….

 

Are you focusing on the right things?

 

Mindset & Message Mastery will provide you with the tools to understand what is getting in your way, on your way to success. It will help you connect the dots to Confidence, Clarity and, most importantly, Clients.