Beating Comparisonitis

Beating Comparisonitis

Do you ever suffer from Comparisonitis?

You know, when you just can’t help but look around and see other people who you perceive to be doing things bigger and better than you could ever do? And then you start comparing yourself to them and generally you are the one that always comes off worst, right?

Yeah, I’ve had some experience with that too.

Most of us do it.

Whether it is walking into a party and comparing yourself to everybody that’s in the room at the party.

Or whether it’s when you are trying to achieve a goal and you look around and think, well everyone else is doing so much better than I am.

Or maybe you are in business or trying to get a promotion and just feel like everybody else seems to have it nailed and you don’t.

Let me ask you this, is that useful?

Hopefully you said no.

Comparisonitis is not useful and intellectually we know that it’s not useful. But that doesn’t stop us doing it, it doesn’t stop us looking around.

  • How do we get back on track?
  • How do we stop looking around and get laser focused on what it is that we are trying to achieve again?

Here’s a couple of simple things that you can use when you are trying to get yourself back on track.

50 Reasons Why?

First of all, reconnect to your reasons for why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. When we set goals, generally I encourage clients to understand really why they want the goal in the first place.

Even writing 50 reasons why.

I recently undertook a program which was goal related and that was one of the exercises, write 50 reasons why you want to achieve this goal.

And it can seem a little bit overkill at the time because you are all fired up and you are like,

“yeah I’m really going to do this, I’m going to do this and I’m so excited about it, it’s going to be awesome.“

Why do I need to write 50 reasons why I want to do it?

Well, it’s exactly for that moment when you’re diverted, you’re taken off-track. When you can come back and look at the reasons why you are trying to achieve this goal, sometimes that can be enough to get you back on track and keep you focused.

There is a reason why large organisations and companies spend so much money building their mission statement and their vision statement and having these lofty goals. It’s because it works!

OK, so that’s number 1.

List your reasons why.

You are 100% unique

Then get really clear on why you are embarking on the goal first and foremost. And remember just how unique your goals, values and reasons for doing what you’re doing are.

Now if you haven’t had an experience of uncovering your core values then check out my Cultivating Confidence blog because that walks you through the process that I use with my clients to get to a very deep level of their core values.

Everybody is running their own race

There is so many cliches and bumper stickers that say the same thing.

“Don’t compare yourself to one person’s showreel”.

“Don’t compare your beginning to their middle or their end.”

That’s all great advice, as long as it’s meaningful to you.

And I think that’s the piece that is missing.

Bring that meaning back into what you are trying to do. Your reasons, your drivers, are different to everybody else, because you are unique and what makes you, YOU, no one else can replicate.

Think about that when you start looking sideways, remember that everybody has their own story, everybody is unique. What they are trying to do is possibly for a different reason than you. Because they will have their 50 reasons and you have got your 50 reasons. And there  might be some overlap but it’s unlikely that you have got the same 50 reasons.

Get laser focused

When you are coming back on track and you need to pull yourself back in to get laser focused on what you are trying to achieve, remember why you are trying to do it and the fact that you are 100% unique.

I hope this has been helpful. Please let me know in the comments.

And to find out more about working with Lorraine on a one-to-one basis, please click below.

Cultivating Confidence Part 2

Cultivating Confidence Part 2

This is a follow-up to my Cultivating Confidence Part 1 blog that you may have read. If not then go ahead read it here. It’s the first part of this process.

If you are ready to kick into Cultivating Confidence Part 2 it means that you have gone through the process that results in you having your core values words and the definitions of those words.The definitions of your value words will give you an idea of what’s most important to you and and who you feel you are.

Your definitions are the pinnacle of what that value word means to you. What I mean by that is that if you were living that value 100% in your life, it was showing up 100% in your life, then that’s the definition that you’ve written.

Living your values 100%

What I want you to think about next in Cultivating Confidence is to imagine yourself already living your values 100%. If you were all of those things all of the time, which I know is not necessarily an accurate suggestion, but I want you to imagine that. So if you are all of those things all of the time, what would be different?

 

Visualize yourself – what do you see?

If you could visualize yourself being all of those things that are most important to you right now, what do you notice about that version of you?

  • How are they standing?
  • How are they holding themselves?
  • Are they speaking?
  • Are they listening?
  • Are they with people?
  • Or alone?
  • Where are they?
  • What are they saying?
  • Who are they speaking to?

 

What can you notice about that version of you that is a representation of your definition of your core values?

Change your body language, improve your confidence

Once you’ve got that very clear picture of how they’re holding themselves, adopt that body language that you see in your mind’s eye. Body language is really important because the way that you hold yourself helps you access different types of memories and feelings.

  • Do you feel different now?
  • Do you feel more confident?

When you change your body position, it changes the thoughts that you access in your mind. If you’re not feeling very confident then it’s quite often that your shoulders will fall and your head or your eye position will come down. When we adopt shoulders back, head up, (sometimes it’s called a power position) it’s about adopting that confident body language which actually accesses different feelings in your your body and different memories and images in your mind.

I want you to play with that. I want you to take your definitions, turn them into a visualization of some form of role model to help you step into that, and experience what it feels like to be that version of you, that confident version of you and then act as if that is who you are.

Retraining your unconscious mind

What we’re doing is retraining your unconscious mind to feel a certain way and to access certain memories and certain feelings. This is really interesting stuff. It’s all been proven with neuroscience but I’m just scraping the surface for you and I’m inviting you to play with it and try it.

If you need to feel a bit more confident in your life then this is “essentially fake it till you make it” but if you don’t subscribe to that term then still give this a go because it’s really true.

Change your body language. Be in that positive physical position. It will change the way that you think and feel. If you want to feel more confident then give it a go.

Let me know how you get on.

 

And to find out more about working with Lorraine on a one-to-one basis, please click below.