by | Aug 28, 2018 | Personal Development

Confidence or the lack of it, is at the core of the majority of my clients’ and students’ challenges and I’m guessing that maybe it is for you too.

Confidence comes from a sense of self belief and self-worth and creating and keeping high levels of confidence really should be a lifelong task. I know it is for me.

Noticing when our thoughts that chatter in our head, the self-talk, is beginning to diminish our confidence rather than boost it is really important. Because if you can notice it then we can change it.

I’m going to share four different types of self-talk that you can start to use to build that self-belief, build that self-worth and therefore build your confidence.

Alerting Self-Talk

First, we need to break the pattern and this is alerting self-talk. We need to alert ourselves to break that pattern of negative self-talk or diminishing our confidence and that is as simple as saying,


“Wake up”

“Think, look or listen.”

We just need to break or interrupt that pattern of negative self-talk.

Alerting Self Talk

Calming Self-Talk

Once we’ve broken the cycle of diminishing or negative self-talk, we want to create a nice, calm, peaceful place where we can start to build more resourceful self-talk.

We go from alerting to calming self-talk.

And calming sounds like,


“Be still”

“Quieten down”

“Keep calm”

“Cool down”

We have to stop and then we have to relax. We alert and then we calm everything down to break the pattern.

Calming Self Talk

Coaching Self-talk

From there we can move on to what I call Coaching self-talk.

This is where we become more resourceful and is helpful when you’re not taking action and you know you should be.

Any procrastinators out there this is really useful for you.

Coaching self-talk reconnects you to the bigger picture. Negative self-talk keeps you in the details and really small. But coaching self-talk helps you to think a bit bigger.

“What is it that I’m trying to achieve?”

“What is my purpose here?”

And that can be enough to galvanize you into action.

Coaching Self Talk

Affirming Self-Talk

Finally we need to look at affirming self-talk.

Affirming self-talk tells us that everything’s going to be OK. It acknowledges our strengths, those things that we’re really good at and that helps build confidence.

Affirming self-talk is,

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

“I believe in myself.”

“I can do this.”

Affirming Self Talk

Put them altogether…

We’ve gone from alerting, through calming, coaching and then affirming. These are really helpful individually however you can put them together which might sound like

“Stop, relax and stay calm. What’s the bigger picture here? What is it that I am trying to achieve? If I take one step at a time I know that everything’s going to be okay and I can do this.”

Four different types of self-talk that you can use independently or together to help build that self-belief, self-worth and therefore your confidence. But like everything it’s a practice.

You have to practice, practice, practice.

If you would like to find out more about coaching others on their emotions, mindset and making a real difference to their lives, join me at Coach School.
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