5 ways a coach helps you succeed

5 ways a coach helps you succeed

What are five ways a coach helps you to succeed?

I’m going to tell you five techniques and approaches that a coach uses. You can apply these to your own challenges and problems so that you can succeed better without a coach. Or you know what to expect when you hire one.  

So what are the five things that you can expect when you work with a coach.


1. What do you want to change?

First of all your coach is going to need to understand and really get to grips with what it is that you want to change, because coaching is all about changing.

“Moving you from where you are now to where you want to be.”

A description of coaching that I absolutely hate but it is true.

So the first thing that a coach is going to do is to understand what it is that you want to change.


2. Change your focus from problems to solutions

The second thing that your coach is going to do for you is help you to really shift that problem focus to a solution focus. Usually when we want to change something, we’re focused on the problem.  There is actually good reason for this that is backed by neuroscience. You see we are all predisposed to have a negative bias; it’s what keeps us safe, so if you think that maybe you can be a bit of a negative-nelly at times, relax, you’re doing exactly what you are designed to do!

A solution focus is also known as a goal focus and that’s why coaches are always working on goals.

So your coach will help move what you want to change from a problem to a goal or solution.


3. Core Values – You know this, right?

Now the third thing that your coach is going to do, which seems a little bit backwards, is that they’re going to give you an experience of understanding what your core values are.

You may think that you know what your core values are.

I have been doing this for 11 years, so believe me when I tell you that what you think your core values are and what they actually are, is more often different than you would expect.

There are reasons for this difference.

Basically we’re given our first set of core values by our parents, our teachers, our influencers and our peers. Then, as we get older and as we have our own life experiences, they start to change.

Often when it comes to the point where clients feel stuck enough to engage my services it means that there’s a bit of a values conflict going on.

So I will always give my clients an experience to find out what their core values are. This is important because that might have an impact on the fourth thing.

So before we get ahead of ourselves, number three is understand what your core values are.


4. Goal Alignment

So the fourth way a coach will help you success is to take your core values information and check in with the goal that we created in the second step.  

Let’s make sure that your goals are aligned with your core values, because once you’ve had that core values experience, sometimes the goals have to change so that they remain aligned with your values.


5. Progress and actions

The fifth thing that you can expect from your coach? Well that is progress. They will work with you to help design small manageable actions that are going to take you closer and closer to that values aligned goal.


So there you have it. Five things that your coach will help you with or that you can have a go at working on yourself.

  1. Understand the change you want to make.
  2. Shift it from a problem focus to a solution focus.
  3. Understand what’s most important to you.
  4. Check in with your values and make sure that your goal is aligned and then
  5. Design those actions that are going to move you towards that goal.


Let me know how you get on….


And to find out more about working with Lorraine on a one-to-one basis, please click below.

How to find the space in between

How to find the space in between


Let’s start by talking about all-or-nothing thinking, or maybe black and white thinking.

All-or-nothing thinking is where you believe there will be a catastrophe if something you do is not perfect or something doesn’t happen the way you want it to.

I don’t do all-or-nothing thinking…do I?

Every month I have the privilege of teaching at the Foundations of Healthy Living Retreat, a four day retreat for self-discovery and it’s one of my favorite things to do.

It’s very clear, every month, when I’m standing in a room full of ten new people that this idea of all-or-nothing thinking is extremely prevalent because these people come from all different backgrounds with all different levels of experience in personal development and almost all of them do all-or-nothing thinking.

All-or-nothing thinking is one of the most powerful and damaging cognitive distortions that I come up against.

So what is it?

All-or-nothing thinking is that if/then thinking, you know, IF this happens THEN that will happen or IF it doesn’t happen THEN that will happen.

Some examples might be :-

  • IF I don’t stick to my healthy eating regime THEN I am a complete failure or THEN I am fat, ugly, useless, worthless.
  • IF I don’t get report in on time THEN I’m going to get fired.
  • IF my launch doesn’t attract seventy new enrollments THEN it’s a complete failure.


It’s actually quite a quick movement from, “if I don’t do this small thing” to “I am worthless” which is ultimately where we end up. It can be incredibly damaging.

So if you see yourself in that kind of pattern of thinking whatever your if/then statements are, then you might be suffering from all-or-nothing thinking.

What can you do?

It’s not helpful to be stuck in either of the all or nothing camps.

What I do for the participants of the retreat and for my clients that I notice are stuck in this pattern of all-or-nothing thinking is help them to find the space in between.


How do you find the space in between something that is so concrete in your mind?

Well, I get them to scale and what I mean by that is, if one end of their all-or-nothing thinking, if the black end of their thinking is a zero on the scale then the other end of their thinking, the white end, is a ten on the scale that means that there is a lot of space in between.

So I get them to describe what 1 looks like, what 2 looks like, what 3 looks like, and so on.


So if you find yourself suffering from all or nothing thinking, or black and white thinking, then try and find the space in between by scaling. Take one end, make it zero, take the other end, make it 10 and describe what the steps look like in the space in between.


Mindset & Message Mastery will provide you with the tools to understand what is getting in your way, on your way to success. It will help you connect the dots to Confidence, Clarity and, most importantly, Clients.

Are you focusing on the right things?

Are you focusing on the right things?

Here’s an experiment for you. What I want you to do right here right now is to look around the room that you’re currently in or the space that you’re currently in and I want you to notice everything that you can that’s blue.

Do it right now. I want you to look around the room that you are in and notice as many things as you can that are blue.

How many red things did you see?


So what’s the point in this experiment?

Well the point of this experiment is that what you focus on expands.

What you focus on, you will find more of, so when you’re looking around the room and you’re looking for blue things, the blue things are going pop out at you and everything else will fade into the background.


Why is this important?

Well,  it’s really important if you are trying to achieve a goal because if you’re not focused on your goal then you can become distracted by all the other colors.

When you stay focused on your goal then you will pick up all the things that are going to help you to reach that ultimate eventuality.

It’s really cool to know this stuff.


Rocks in the road

I remember when I was learning to ride a motorcycle my instructor saying to me,

“Eyes up, look where you want to go. Eyes up, look where you want to go.”

That advice saved my life on a number of occasions. When you are learning to ride a motorcycle, every so often your eyes drift to that rock you see on the road and you start looking at the rock and you know what happens? You ride your motorcycle into the rock and then fall off your bike. Because you’re focused on the rock, you’re being drawn towards it. Target fixation.

But if you keep your eyes up and look where you want to go, you will just guide the bike around the obstacle and you’ll keep going on to your destination.

Now goals are exactly the same. When you stay focused on your goal then you will notice less the problems that you’re going to come up against and you start to elegantly find ways around those metaphorical boulders in your road.


So remember, what you focus on expands….


Are you focusing on the right things?


Mindset & Message Mastery will provide you with the tools to understand what is getting in your way, on your way to success. It will help you connect the dots to Confidence, Clarity and, most importantly, Clients.

3 Common Coaching Myths…..busted

3 Common Coaching Myths…..busted

I’ve been in the coaching field for 11 years this year, and over that time I have witnessed the growth of both the industry, and the myths that surround it.


My passion is coaching, and I want more people to embrace it both as clients, and as coaches, but I also want them to enter into coaching with their eyes wide open. I have been challenged by my friend, client and colleague Debbi Carberry to become more vocal about the truth about both coaching, and the online business of it.


Since I know that a number of my subscribers are coaches, or are planning to formalise their coaching at some point, I thought it would be useful to address some of these myths.


Here are 3 of the most common myths I see regularly:


3 Common Coaching Myths


Myth 1: You need to be an expert to coach

One of the things that I come up against whenever I am talking to people about coaching is that you need to be an expert in your field in order to be a coach.


This is absolutely not the case. In fact, you could argue that you can actually coach better if you are NOT an expert in the field that you client is looking for develop in.


How so?


Well, coaching is a set of skills that are not ‘context dependent’. That means that you can apply the same skills in ANY environment, in any context.


How does that work?


Well it works because at the heart of the philosophy of coaching is that the client has all the answers.


When you truly believe this, and work from this place, then you use the skills you have to elicit those answers from the client.


This has an interesting result for the coach and the client.


First up the client – when they embark on a coaching experience, it’s because they need help to find the answers so they expect their coach to tell them what to do. What actually happens is that their coach will help them to come up with their own solution which is far more compelling for the client.


What happens for the coach is a little different…


When they are not required to know the answer, but are confident in their ability to elicit the answer, there is no pressure to have to know anything other than the core skills of coaching. This is why even brand new coaches can get amazing life changing results for their clients.


So, this myth is BUSTED. You DO NOT have to be an expert to be a great coach.


Myth 2: You can’t make money as a coach


Aah this old chestnut.


Well the short answer is yes of course you can make money as a coach, otherwise the industry would have died many years ago, when in fact it continues to grow.


What might be a truer statement is that some coaches find it hard to make money.


With coaching being such a client led process and each client’s goals being unique, it can be a challenge for coaches to communicate their value in order to attract clients who pay well.
It can also be challenging for coaches, who are inherently ‘behind-the-scenes’ people who just want to help, to step up and promote themselves and their services.


But I have found this to be true in all ‘helping professions’.


The bottom line is that you need to DUC to make money from coaching…


    • Discover the results of your coaching
    • Understand the value that it has for your clients
    • Communicate it in a way that they can connect to

Is this myth busted? I would love to say it is, but I may have to concede that for some, it is busted.


Myth 3: Everyone can benefit from coaching

The final myth for today is that everyone is coachable – or everyone can benefit from coaching.


Sadly, that is not the case.


In order for coaching to be effective, the client must WANT to change. That’s why some coaching in organisations is less than effective.


If you have someone whose manager has sent them to be coached and they haven’t chosen coaching for themselves, then they may resist the process and therefore not get the results that they could otherwise.


That is why it is so important to pre-qualify your clients.


You see the best clients get the best results, so the best clients are the ones who are really motivated to change. And as their coach, you cannot want it more for them than they want it for themselves.


Time after time I see coaches, particularly new ones, settling for any client to work with and then being disappointed in the results of the relationship.


Instead of realising that the client wasn’t coachable, they begin to question their skills as a coach.


It’s a tricky catch-22 and the way out is to be very selective about your clients.


Don’t hunt them, you need to hire them.


You need to work out who the very best and most motivated clients are that you can help and position yourself for them so that they can find you, rather than attracting clients that are simply not coachable.


So this myth is busted – not everyone can benefit from coaching.

Why the time to act is NOW

Why the time to act is NOW

I don’t know about you but I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty fierce sales calls in the past. I make an enquiry and before I know what has happened my credit card is melting and they won’t let me off the phone until I have made a purchase. It feels pretty horrible and I always tell myself I’m never going to do that to anyone else.  So I don’t.

There is psychology behind the pressure that is applied to us by salespeople, but I think it is misunderstood. If you understand this psychology, you can have sales discussions in a more authentic way, which is what we want to do as coaches or service providers.

I had a mentor that I respected and continue to respect. I mentioned I had a sales conversation with a prospective client but they were not ready so I let them go. She said,

“No no no, you can’t let the bodies go cold!”

I was horrified. That’s everything I don’t want to stand for and I would never put people in that position. And the truth is, you don’t have to, but there is a fine line…


“Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”

What it comes back to is our psychology.

We are hard-wired to belong and to fit in. Whenever we do something that takes us outside of that, we look to find the balance again.

Do you remember Weebles? “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”

We are all like Weebles, if we try to make a change in any direction, we are hard-wired to come back to centre.


We are also hard-wired to belong.

Why is this? Going back 100,000 years we all lived in tribes and if you stood up to the leader or were different, there was a very real risk you could be outcast. That was a threat to your survival because if you met the sabre tooth tiger you were on your own, or if you ran out of food that was it.

We’re still working with 100,000 year old brains, so modern day situations can have the same effect. Anytime we want to make a big change, for example, lose weight, get a promotion, change jobs, move away or start a family, anything that is a change, means we are going to stand out.

People are going to notice us do something differently and that has the same impact as standing up to the leader of the tribe. So when you become more visible it triggers that same fear mechanism which leads to fight/ flight/ freeze.


This makes us do things that don’t make sense.

We don’t have a real threat to fight so it shows up as procrastination, picking fights with family, ambivalence. This is the fight/ flight/ freeze mechanism in action.

We sabotage the change we want to make, to keep us in homeostasis, like the Weebles.


What can we do?

It is important to know that people are hard-wired to return to the safe option. When you are looking to get an agreement with your prospective client on your connection call you can be aware of the feelings they may have.  

I tell my prospective clients when I’m speaking to them that this is going to happen. I say to them,

“You’re going to get off this call and talk yourself out of working with me. It’s natural, when that happens just notice it and say that’s what Lorraine said would happen.”


Sometimes this will also happen with retained clients. When your client is nearing the end of their current package they may tell you they can’t afford to continue working with you. There is a whole spectrum of arguments about whether money is a real objection or not, however most of us, if we truly want something, will find the money to do it.

It’s more a lack of belief in self that stops us from stepping up and investing in ourselves. It’s more a conversation that we’re having with our self saying

“I’m not worth it. I can’t do it. I’m going to be the one it doesn’t work for.”


There are three things I want to share with you in that situation:-


1. Start finding your 90% clients.

It happens a whole lot less with them.  (If you don’t know who your 90% client is, read this blog post…)


2. Reconnect people with their truth.

  • Why did they start working with you in the first place?
  • What was it they wanted to achieve?
  • How were they not doing that before they had your help?

Remind them that it’s in their DNA to revert backwards to where they were before.

Always do this with integrity. It’s not about manipulation or coercion, it’s not about pressure.

It’s about telling the truth.


3. Follow up with clients you have let go in the past.

If they said they needed a bit of a break then you can check in with them. Some of them might be ready to come back, however some may have gone back into their safe space.


I hope this inspires you to change the way you have conversations and to understand the reasons behind those high pressure sales conversations that appear to be missing the heart part of making a decision in the moment.

Remember it is the same for us, so when we are faced with the opportunity of stepping up and doing something different we are going to feel fear and experience the fight/ flight/ fear mechanism.

Bear that in mind when you’re ready to look for your next up level with your next coach, recognise the feelings and act NOW.


Mindset & Message Mastery will provide you with the tools to understand what is getting in your way, on your way to success. It will help you connect the dots to Confidence, Clarity and, most importantly, Clients.