by | Jul 2, 2018 | Personal Development


A lot of my work as a life coach and life coach trainer is around helping my clients get what they want. It’s about goal-setting, it’s about uncovering blocks, but really what I fundamentally do is help my clients get what they want.

Are you always chasing the carrot?

As we are growing up, we fall into a pattern of behaviour that leaves us constantly chasing the carrot.

Chasing the carrot


If you think about it, when we’re born we need to look around us to know what is expected of us, we need to look to our parents and our siblings, our peers, people that are around us. That’s how we learn.

We do a behaviour and then we either get rewarded for it to do it more or we get penalized for it to try and dissuade us from doing that type of behaviour again.

That carries on as we move into school. We do a behaviour, we get rewarded or we get penalized so that we know what’s expected of us. Then we might move into the workforce and the same thing happens. We do the job so that we get paid so that we get promoted or we don’t get paid, maybe we get fired. But there’s always that sense of we’re doing something to get the reward and once we have the reward then we’ll be happy, or we’ll be successful, or we’ll be healthy.

We’re chasing that promotion to get more money so that we can have the bigger house or the holiday or the new car or maybe just to have a comfortable living.

Or maybe we want to lose 10 kilos but actually why do we want to lose 10 kilos? Maybe it’s to be healthy or maybe we just want to be more confident so that we can show up in a way that is more conducive to how we want to see ourselves.

We’re always chasing that sense of being something.

We DO something so that we can HAVE something but ultimately, we want to BE something.


If you’ve seen any of my other videos or read any of my other blogs around confidence, I talk a lot about values and understanding those values that are what are going to cultivate your confidence.

Knowing exactly what’s important to you and if you see the language of healthy, successful, confident it’s very similar to the language that we talk about when we’re talking about values.

It’s not about money or a number on the scales or any other physical thing.

Not money or scales


It’s about those core values words.

Think about what it is that you really want to have in your life. And then think about what do you need to do to have what you want?

If you want to be more successful. maybe you have to work longer hours, or maybe you have to do a certain project, or maybe you have to step up and be a bit braver in asking for things and being seen.

If you want to lose 10 kilos maybe. you have to find an eating plan that suits your body, or maybe you have to do more exercise and go to the gym more.

Who do you need to be to do the things that you need to do, to have what you want?

Who do you need to be


You may not have thought of that before and often when I introduced this concept people are a little bit thrown by that question but think about it.

  • Do you need to be a braver version of you?
  • Do you need to be a more outgoing version of you?
  • Do you need to be a healthier version of you?

When we’re always chasing that end goal we never really reach it, so let me introduce this idea as a concept.

Act “AS IF”

What if you acted as if you were already successful, confident, healthy?

Would that change the way that you do things now?

If you were already confident, successful, healthy, how would that change the decisions that you make and the actions that you take today?

What do you need to stop doing, start doing, and continue doing to be that version of you?

Time for YOUR answers

I would like you to take a few minutes to really think about all the questions that I’ve posed. Give yourself some time, scribble the answers down.

  • What do you want to have in your life?
  • What do you need to do to have that in your life?
  • Who do you need to be, to do what you need to do, to have what you want in your life?
  • And if you were already being that person, what would you need to stop, start and continue to be that person?

Let me know how you get on.

If you would like to find out more about coaching others on their emotions, mindset and making a real difference to their lives, join me at Coach School.
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And if you would like help on changing your behaviour to change your results then click below to contact me for a Breakthrough Session.