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4 Questions To Beat Fear

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU COULDN’T FAIL?

Well, fear of failure is a very common feeling that I work on with clients but what you might not know is that fear of success is something equally as prevalent. Just as often I’ll be talking to people who are blocking their success, as those who are blocking their failure.

Either way I want to give you a couple of ideas on how you could address one, other or both.

So fear of failure or fear of success is just a fear of the unknown.

It’s a fear of what will happen if…

  • What will happen if I fail?
  • What will happen if I succeed?

THE PRE-MORTEM

A useful tool is what I call the pre-mortem. We know what a post mortem is, that’s when we dissect everything that happened and maybe see if there are things that we can change for the future.

But a useful tool is a pre-mortem.

  • So what might happen?
  • What might happen if I fail?
  • What might happen if I succeed?

Now, aside from the fact that I don’t really subscribe to the idea of failure, I believe that there is no failure only feedback.

What feedback would we get if things didn’t go the way that we had hoped?

What could possibly happen?

And just as we did 50 reasons why for the Comparisonitis Blog (so if you haven’t read that go back and have a look at that one) let’s try and list as many things that could happen if things didn’t go according to plan. Because once we know, then we can do something about it. Then we can put contingencies in place.

When it’s stuck in our heads all we do is worry and I quite often say that worry is an indulgence. It’s just an energy drain. It doesn’t actually do anything to help us deal with the problem in front of us. Now there are some arguments against that, that’s fine, but for the purposes of this exercise, I want you to get that worry out onto paper and write as many reasons, as many things as you can think of, about what will happen if you fail.

And if your fear is of success, then do the same thing. You know, what will happen if you are successful? It may mean taking you away from your family. It may mean being more visible. It may mean leaving the work that you’re currently doing and moving into a different role.

So get all of these reasons, these possible outcomes down on paper because then you can start to devise contingencies and say, well if this happens then I will do X.

It’s very simple once you have the the possible outcomes on paper.

4 QUESTIONS TO HELP

If that’s not your jam then there’s another tool that I use and it’s four questions. Just four simple questions that help you get unstuck.

If you are trying to do something and you have a fear of failure or trying to do something and you suspect you might have a fear of success and it’s keeping you stuck then I want you to work through these four questions:

#1 – WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DO?

  • What will happen if you do the thing? Well I might fail and that means A, B and C. Or I might succeed and that means X, Y and Z.

#2 – WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T?

  • If you don’t do the action, if you don’t give it a shot, what is going to happen? Well, things are probably going to stay the same, or there might be some other changes.

#3 – WHAT WON’T HAPPEN IF YOU DO?

  • If you embark on the goal, what’s not going to happen?

#4 – WHAT WON’T HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T DO THE THING?

  • What might you miss out on, or what is the benefit if you don’t?

And these are often just enough to get my clients unstuck. Give them a go!

Why It Matters

Coachable People Grow Faster

People who are coachable don’t waste time defending their status quo. They lean into feedback. They turn setbacks into stepping stones. They ask, “What can I learn from this?” rather than, “Why is this happening to me?” This mindset fuels exponential growth—personally and professionally.

Coachability Builds Resilience

When you’re coachable, failure doesn’t define you—it instructs you. You stop fearing mistakes and start using them. In my coaching work, I often see that the most resilient leaders aren’t the ones who never fall. They’re the ones who fall, learn, and rise again—smarter and stronger than before.

Coachable Leaders Attract Trust

People follow those who are willing to grow. Coachable leaders are more transparent, adaptable, and self-aware. They don’t pretend to have all the answers. Instead, they create environments where learning is safe and encouraged. That fosters trust, collaboration, and high performance.

The Inner Work of Coachability

Coachability isn’t just about actions—it’s about mindset. The foundation of a coachable mindset includes:

  • Self-awareness: You can’t grow what you won’t acknowledge. Coachable people are committed to seeing themselves clearly. They reflect regularly, ask tough questions, and welcome different perspectives.

  • Emotional agility: Feedback can stir up emotions—defensiveness, embarrassment, even shame. Coachable people feel those emotions but don’t let them rule. They pause, process, and then engage with intention.

  • Ownership: Blame blocks growth. Coachable individuals take radical responsibility for their lives. Even when external factors play a role, they ask, “What part can I own?”

  • Curiosity: Coachability thrives in curiosity. Instead of clinging to “I already know,” coachable people live in “What else might be true?” This openness creates space for insight and innovation.

Coachability in Action

So what does being coachable actually look like in a coaching relationship?

It looks like showing up on time—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

It looks like coming prepared, having reflected on prior conversations, progress, and roadblocks.

It looks like being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.

It looks like taking aligned action between sessions—not just consuming insight but applying it.

It looks like being willing to slow down, examine patterns, and challenge limiting beliefs.

It looks like staying present when challenged—and being just as present when celebrated.

It’s not always easy. But it’s always worth it.

How to Cultivate Coachability

Even if coachability doesn’t come naturally, it can be developed. Here are a few practical ways to start:

1. Assume There’s Always Something to Learn

Even if you’ve been in your role for 10 years or feel like you’ve “heard it all before,” stay open. Ask, “What’s here for me to learn today?”

2. Separate Feedback From Identity

Feedback is information, not a verdict on your worth. When you detach your ego from critique, you gain access to truth.

3. Create Reflection Rituals

Whether it’s journaling, meditation, or post-session debriefs, build space into your routine for processing. Insight without reflection rarely becomes transformation.

4. Ask Better Questions

Instead of saying, “Did I do that right?” try, “What am I not seeing?” or “What would it look like to challenge this assumption?”

5. Take Action, Not Just Notes

Coachable people don’t just collect insights—they implement them. Pick one thing from each coaching session to put into practice, and follow through.

The Coachable Client = The Empowered Client

 

In my coaching practice, I don’t promise answers—I promise a partnership.

But that partnership only works when you’re engaged and willing.

The most powerful coaching relationships are co-created. I’ll bring the questions, reflections, and challenges—but you bring the commitment.

Ultimately, coaching is not about changing who you are. It’s about unblocking the parts of you that already know how to lead, love, and live more fully. That unblocking?

It begins with being coachable.

So whether you’re an executive, entrepreneur, creative, or simply a human committed to growth, ask yourself:

  • Am I willing to learn?
  • Am I willing to be seen?
  • Am I willing to be challenged?
  • And—most importantly—am I willing to change?

Because if you are, everything becomes possible.

mentor coaching

Lorraine Hamilton is an ICF-accredited Coach, registered Coach Mentor, creator of the SWITCH Coaching System®. She has almost 20 years of experience in Professional Coaching.

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