The need for validation: Why women seek praise

The need for validation: Why women seek praise


Most women have probably experienced the need for validation at some point in their lives. This need can be driven by a variety of factors, but it often stems from a lack of self-confidence. Women may feel that they need to receive praise from others to feel good about themselves. And while external validation can make us feel good in the short term, it’s quite troublesome in the long run. When we rely on others to make us feel good about ourselves, we’re giving them too much power over our happiness.
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So why is it that women often feel the need for validation?
There are a few possible explanations.

First, many women are taught from a young age that their worth is based on their appearance and their achievements. As a result, they may feel that they need to prove themselves to others.

Additionally, women are often socialized to be caring and nurturing, which can make them more sensitive to the opinions of others.

Lastly, many women have experienced sexism or discrimination in their lives, which can make them feel like they’re not good enough.

Ultimately, the need for validation is a personal issue that each woman needs to explore and address on her own. But it’s important to remember that we don’t need others to make us feel good about ourselves. We can find our own sense of self-worth by looking within ourselves and cultivating our own inner strength. And when we learn to love and accept ourselves, we won’t need others’ approval anymore.

Where does the need for validation come from in women?

Most women are socialized from a young age to seek validation from others.

This need for approval can be seen in many different areas of life, but it is especially prevalent among women in stem and tech fields and other male-dominated environments such as finance or motorsport.

Unfortunately, seeking validation from others can be dangerous in the long run.

There are several reasons why women may feel the need to seek praise from their peers, but some of the most common reasons are a lack of self-confidence and a fear of being judged.

When we rely too much on the opinions of others, we put ourselves in a position where our happiness and self-worth are dependent on outside factors.

This can be a recipe for disaster because it is impossible to control what other people think or say about us.

What are the problems with seeking validation externally?

The need for validation is a strong desire to be accepted and appreciated by others. It often manifests in women as a need for praise and admiration. The problem with seeking validation externally is that it can be a never-ending cycle. People can be fickle, and what once made someone feel good may no longer do so. Additionally, it can be difficult to maintain healthy relationships when one’s self-worth is contingent upon others.
Women often seek validation from others because they need to feel good about themselves. However, external validation is often not sustainable in the long term. It can be difficult to maintain healthy relationships or achieve success when our worth is based on what others think of us.
Ultimately, it is important to find validation from within. This involves learning to appreciate and accept oneself just as they are. When we learn to find our own validation, we are less likely to depend on others for it, and we can better enjoy healthy relationships.

Is external validation harmful?

Many women feel the need to seek praise from others in order to feel good about themselves. While this may seem like a harmless habit, it can actually be quite harmful in the long run.
Striving for external validation can also lead to competition and division among women. We should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.
External validation is problematic because it’s based on other people’s opinions, which can be unpredictable and unreliable. What’s more, relying on others for validation can leave us feeling needy and powerless.
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Fostering Internal Validation

There are many ways to find self-validation. If you have recognized yourself in a pattern of relying on external validation then it is important to give yourself grace and time to learn a new way of being.
When we have relied on others to tell us what to do and how to be, it takes time to come back to ourselves and really get to know what is most important to us as individuals.
You can use the five steps outlined in the “Dye Your Hair Purple Sooner” 5 Steps To Becoming The Legendary Leader Of Your Technicolour Life book for an in-depth process to rediscover your values and priorities, or use the following tips as a starting point.
  • Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.

  • Spend time with people who build you up and make you feel good about yourself.

  • Practice self-compassion, which means accepting and respecting ourselves, even when we make mistakes.

  • Look for external validation less often. This may mean seeking out compliments less, or being less affected by negative feedback. (For more tips on this see this article.)

  • Focus on the things that you do well. This can be anything from your work to your hobbies. When you focus on your strengths, it becomes easier to feel good about yourself.

  • Learn how to give yourself approval. This can be done by setting realistic standards and accepting yourself for who you are.

  • Remember that no-one is perfect and that it is okay to make mistakes.

  • Focus on the things that you are good at and appreciate your accomplishments, even if they don’t receive rave reviews from others.

  • Remember that we are all different. What works for one person may not work for another. It is important to find what makes you feel good and to stick with it.

  • Remember that you are enough, just the way you are.


When it comes to the need for validation, women in business, stem and tech fields need to remember that they are not alone. Many women feel the need to seek out external validation, and there is no shame in that.
However, it is important to remember that this can be a difficult habit to break.
When it comes to women in business and women in tech, there are a few reasons why seeking praise may be more common. In some cases, these fields can be quite challenging and women may feel that they need to receive validation from others to feel good about themselves.
External validation is troublesome in the long term. It can be difficult to maintain focus when your success is dependent on the opinions of others. Instead, it’s important to find validation from within.
So what can we do to combat the need for validation?
  • First, we can start by recognizing our own accomplishments. Give yourself credit where it’s due, and don’t be afraid to celebrate your successes.

  • Second, surround yourself with a supportive community of women. Find mentors and role models who will encourage you to reach your full potential. (My group coaching program is a great place to start!)

  • And finally, don’t be afraid to speak up. Share your stories and your experiences, and be a voice for change.

Together, we can create a more positive environment for women in male dominated environments such as business, STEM fields, finance and motorsport to name just a few. 

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